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10 Oct 2009 01:25:03 pm
Jumping Through Hoops


What do you do to garner the approval of others? What do you do to avoid disapproval? Would you go to the mall wearing a top hat and tap shoes that were several sizes too big? We are born heeding our own compass and doing the things that make us happy, but it doesn’t take long before we begin to be shaped by the messages we receive from others about how what we do and say is received. This even applies to the people whom we are closest to. The other day I caught myself saying something to my husband because I thought that it would make me look intelligent and well-informed. I know he already believes those things about me, but it was a strong impulse to shore up that opinion. One of the things I find most charming about my son is that he still is largely untouched by this need to please. He doesn’t seem to be all that concerned about what others think, especially of the things he does for fun. Our local mall has a carousel and a couple of years ago he decided he wanted to recreate a scene he liked from a TV show that involved a tap dancing bear on a carousel. He rummaged in his costume box until he found a top hat, bow tie and large plastic candy cane originally meant to be a Christmas decoration. For tap shoes he put on an old pair of Daddy’s work shoes, many sizes too big, over his white gym socks. We made a bit of a stir as we walked from the mall parking lot into the building but I just told myself that most people were probably thinking that he looked awfully cute. My son didn’t even really notice that anyone noticed him. He just wanted to get on the carousel and ride. We had a wonderful time and the operator let us ride our third time for free. As a young woman who was 6 feet tall by the beginning of 7th grade, I’ve had a certain amount of experience of not fitting in to what people expect, and I like to think that I’ve continued that in other areas of my life. However, I don’t believe that most of us have really gotten too far away from that need to seek approval and avoid disapproval. It’s such an ingrained human habit. However, I do believe that unconstructive habits can be replaced with new ones that serve us better. I am going to continue working, taking my cues from my son, and for the most part, doing the things that earn me MY approval rather than the possible good opinion of other people.

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