06 Sep , 22:54 | Admin   26 Mar 2009   01:29:11 pm Persevere I enjoy learning new things, but that doesn’t mean that they always come easily. Still, there is a certain satisfaction that comes from figuring out a way to step past the obstacles and get to where you are intending to go. Just ask Bo, one of my three cats. Bo is the cat with the bad hind leg, and we keep his food bowl up on the kitchen island, where the dog is less likely to get into it. Bo has to jump up on the barstools to make it up to the island. The muscle in his one leg is weaker than the others and he is a bit chubby, so he doesn’t always get up there on the first attempt. Bo is highly motivated to reach his food though, and he is always ultimately successful, as confirmed by the roundness of his tummy. He is also unfazed by sometimes not making it on the first try. Being a cat, he is not bothered with self-defeating thoughts such as, “I’m really awfully clumsy,” or “I’m just not very good at this.” He knows what he wants and that he will eventually get there. He also knows that if he really needs assistance, he just has to ask (or meow) and someone will give him a hand. As I was learning how to use this new newsletter program, I had a variety of set backs and opportunities to sharpen my skills. There were some issues with changing the title graphics and the video clip in the first issue initially wasn’t linked to anything so it did not play. Not only did I have to get comfortable with the software, but I also had to work with the support staff to ask for help and then persist in following up with them until I got what I needed. For instance, there was no way for me to fix the video clip link. I had to have then do that. It took persistence, a bit of ingenuity and a real desire to have a great finished product, but I finally got all the kinks worked out, and now I am the proud publisher of a monthly newsletter. I’m sure there will be more chances for learning along the way, but knowing I can get it figured out eventually gives me a warm feeling... right there in my tummy. Category : Pets | By : great12 | Comments [68] | Trackbacks [0] 24 Nov 2008   06:41:35 pm Grateful to Avert Disaster Thanksgiving is almost here and now is the perfect time to really get in touch with what we are thankful for - abundant food, time with family and a few days off are all good starters. Even if you don't like your extended family much or the dinner table will be a bit leaner this year than on others, getting into that "attitude of gratitude" can make this time of year, and every day that much better. And there’s nothing like a little averted disaster to really get you into that grateful feeling. Yesterday morning my entire family was in a bad mood. I hadn't had enough sleep and my husband and son were both not feeling well. It was easy to be snippy and irritated with each other. The whole morning was so depressing and I wondered how we were ever going to make it through the day. After lunch my husband decided to adjust the feet on the stove we'd bought a couple of months ago. The front feet rest on tile, but the back feet are only on subfloor and the whole thing was a bit tilted. It turned out to be kind of big project, which is I guess why we had put it off for so long. After lots of back and forths to see if it would be level, we prepared to wrestle the stove back into it's spot for the last time. It seemed stuck and we jostled it around, trying to figure out why it wouldn't budge. The stove, although not particularly heavy, is an awkward cube shape and when it’s mostly slid into it’s little niche in the kitchen, it isn’t easy to manipulate. That’s when we started to smell the gas. Oh no, we must have ruptured the gas line somehow. I grabbed the phone as we herded the family out on to the deck in the 38 degree weather to wait for the gas company rep to arrive. He got there in about 20 minutes and took one look at our stove. "You've got an unlit burner on," he said, not exactly thrilled to be called out on a Sunday to deal with our cluelessness. Needless to say, we felt kind of foolish, but oh so happy that it hadn't been something more serious. One of us must've bumped a burner while trying to move the stove around. We finished putting the stove back in place and some how the rest of the day went fine. No one was crabby anymore and we had a really enjoyable afternoon. We were just so happy to be safe and warm and not to have incurred any expensive repairs that we just forgot about all that was seemingly wrong in the morning. Even if we had broken the gas line, there still would have been plenty of things to appreciate and be thankful for. Focusing on what was going well rather than what was going wrong just made the experience so much better. My son loved "camping out" under a blanket on the deck and we all got into the spirit. If we had focused on how cold it was and how inconvenient it was to have to wait outside in November or how our house was filling up with gas, it would have been a whole 'nuther experience. "The enlightened give thanks for what most people take for granted. As you begin to be grateful for what most people take for granted, that vibration of gratitude makes you more receptive to good in your life." -- Rev. Michael Beckwith Even if you aren't exactly sure you know what a vibration is and how that might apply to you, most people can appreciate that when you think about what is good in your life you are more likely to notice and enjoy even more good things. If you've ever bought a new car you probably have had the experience of seeing similar cars everywhere for a few weeks afterward. You might not have noticed that so many people in your community owned a light blue VW Beetle until you bought one and suddenly they were everywhere. It's not that there are really any more blue Beetles on the road, but that is what you have become aware of now that you have one. It works the same with gratitude. If you think that life is basically good and you are aware of how much you enjoy that nice hot cup of coffee in the morning or the chance you had to chat with a friend, than more good things just tend to show up. When you stub your toe getting out of bed, it's really easy for the whole morning to go wrong. That is unless you make a conscious decision to turn it around or it looks like something really bad is about to happen and then it doesn't. If you are worried that your house might go up in flames or that your dog who refuses to leave the gas filled kitchen might asphyxiate, then life looks pretty good when that doesn’t occur. If counting your blessings doesn't come naturally, don't worry. Like anything new, it just takes practice. No matter what your circumstances, there are things to enjoy and appreciate. Try listing 5 to yourself every day and see if you don't notice blue VW Beetles everywhere. Category : Family | By : great12 | Comments [104] | Trackbacks [0] 30 Oct 2008   03:44:45 pm Fall Festival Harrison and I went to the neighborhood Fall Festival today. It was held in the grassy area behind the community pool. We went because they had cotton candy and a bouncy house, two of Harrison’s favorites. As we got near the pool we could hear the screaming kids from across the parking lot. In the past this might have been enough to send Harrison home, despite the promise of cotton candy and bouncing. Instead, he walked a bit faster as the big inflatable house came into view. Not only was there a pit for jumping, but it also had a slide area. There were a few teenagers stationed around inside to supervise, but it was still mostly just kid chaos. Harrison climbed in eagerly and after a bit of tamer bouncing, decided to try the slide. It was a fairly narrow area for climbing up and at a very steep incline. There was no such thing as waiting your turn in line and kids pushed past each other and clambered as fast as they could to get to the top for the slide down. Harrison really wanted to do the slide, but because it was so steep, with not much in the way of hand-holds, he was having a tough time getting all the way to the top. He’d get most of the way and then lose his grip near the top where the slope was the steepest. I’ve been really trying to be more and more hands-off in these situations, especially when other kids are involved, although it isn’t always easy. I hang around just in case, but try to just allow events to unfold without my interference. It’s a lesson for me in forbearance and in letting Harrison make his own way in the world. My heart would start pounding as he’d get near the top, hoping that this time he would make it all the way up. The whole edifice was swaying with the weight of other kids trying to climb up and the ones who were sliding down. It seemed almost impossible to get anywhere under those conditions, but the other kids clambered monkey-like to the top with out any apparent effort. For the first 30 minutes he repeatedly tried to make it to the top, without success, but with a big smile on his face. He’d get to the steepest part near the top and then slip back down. I told myself that I shouldn’t feel bad for him when he was clearly having such a good time, but it was hard to watch him struggle with so much determination. Other Moms stood in loose groups under the picnic shelters and chatted to each other while their kids raced around somewhere in the background. I stood by myself next to the bouncy house biting my tongue and silently rooting for Harrison to make it all the way up. At last it looked like he was getting very near the top and that he was finally going to make it, but two other boys had taken up residency at the top of the slide and were blocking his way. I couldn’t hold it in any more and finally barked, “Slide on down so other people can go!” Fortunately, children are conditioned to obey adults and they moved out of the way just as Harrison achieved apogee and began his descent. I gave him a big thumbs up as he smiled at me through the netting and walked around to try again. He tried again for another 20 minutes or so and I was starting to get to the point where I didn’t know if I could stand watching this for too much longer. Just then one of the teen-aged girls who had been supervising earlier came by and looked in at the melee. She asked me if Harrison had made it up yet and I told her he had. She smiled and asked me how old he was. “He’s 10,” I said. “I’m glad he got to slide” she answered, and walked away. It is one of those unwritten rules of the Universe that we may never know how much our kind words mean to others. At that point I stopped feeling sorry for myself and stopped feeling bad for Harrison and his struggle and all the other struggles he will make in his life and started enjoying the afternoon. I still stood vigilantly outside the bouncy house, but I shared in Harrison’s fun instead of worrying about what he wasn’t able to accomplish. He made it to the top one more time and then got out, tired and happy, to eat some cotton candy. Category : Family | By : great12 | Comments [259] | Trackbacks [0] 30 Oct 2008   03:42:43 pm Managing Your Conversations, Part 3 So far we've seen that you have a lot of control over the kinds of conversations that you have. We've also seen that improving the quality and content of your conversations makes for more satisfying relationships. Another way to take the lead in creating your life is to balance the time you spend talking about or reading about problems (or listening to other people talk about their problems) with the time you spend focusing on and looking for solutions. This goes back to what I said in Part 1 about venting. It’s appropriate to talk about a problem as a means of blowing off steam, or for getting clear about what the issue really is. Focusing too long on the problem becomes counter-productive. If people do talk about a solution, they usually only talk about one solution. “Oh, I’ve found a solution for that. Now let me go on to the next problem.” I’m recommending that you spend more time looking for multiple solutions - lots of solutions. Not only do you get into practice of being more creative with your solutions, but you have less time to slip back into ruminating about the problem. You also have lots of options in case the first couple of solutions don’t work as well as you expected. You become a solution- generating machine, rather than a broken record playing the same sad song about your problem or the problems of the world. The one thing to be careful about when generating solutions is to generate solutions for you and let other people for the most part figure out their own solutions. Each person is the expert on their own situation and their own life. Often the best way to help other people is to let them find their own way. If someone has asked for your help, and you feel you have something to contribute, then offer a suggestion. However, offer it as a suggestion and not a solution that the other person must adopt. No-one appreciates having other people tell them how to live their life and it really is a confidence builder when you see that you really can solve your own problems. If you haven’t been asked for help but think that you have something valuable to contribute, you might ask the other person if they’d like to hear your suggestion. Use the enthusiasm of their response to indicate whether they really want your input or not. Balancing complaints with gratitude or celebration is a variation of the problems/solutions tool. People are very quick to point out what isn’t working in their lives and that becomes their focus. Since we each play such a big part in creating our experience of the world, what do you think happens when you focus on what is going wrong? What happens when you focus on what you think is wonderful or that you are grateful for? Religious and philosophical leaders from a variety of different traditions all agree that we become what we think about. This is also a terrific tool for being around people whom you find difficult. Make a concerted effort to identify a few good things about them and try to focus on that. You might be surprised at how they start seeming a little different to you. Have they really changed? Maybe, maybe not, but your experience of them has changed and that has a huge impact on how they will show up for you. Dave Ellis has a favorite cartoon of a woman walking along a mountain path. She is at the intersection of two different ways that she can go and each choice has a sign - the scenic path or the psycho path. He uses it as a reminder that we always have a choice when we are entering into conversations. The longer you go down the psycho path by entering into conversations that are unbalanced, the harder it is to get back on to the scenic path. The more your actively manage your communities and the other types of conversations you enter into, the easier it is to stay on the scenic path. To get started on managing your conversations, try the exercise listed below: Exercise: Think about a problem that you have and turn that problem into a question. For instance, “I don’t like my job” can be turned around to “How can I be more satisfied at work or how can I find another job that I’ll love?” Use the question as a springboard for starting to manage your conversations. Category : General | By : great12 | Comments [110] | Trackbacks [0] 12 Oct 2008   09:44:35 am Managing Your Conversations, Part 2 of 3 Part 2 – This is the second segment of a three-part article about the role that conversations play in our lives. When you are conscious of the conversations you are having, you take a vital step towards being the author of your own life. In Part 1 we explored how different types of conversations make you feel and using those feelings as a barometer to help you spend more time in empowering conversations. Another important part of managing your conversations is to balance your conversation space. Many people fill up their conversation space by talking about the past most of the time. Almost all media deals with reporting what has happened in the past. The second biggest topic is the future - worrying about what is going to happen and predicting what you think will happen, based on what has happened in the past. Talk about the future is very seldom about what we want. It is much more often about what we don’t want or what we fear. All the great innovators and inventors through the years were people who did not feel constrained by the past as a predictor of the future. Instead, they had an idea of what they wanted to happen and kept at it until they achieved success. We certainly can learn things from looking at the past, but it is difficult to be the author of your life when you are mired in what has already happened. Spend a lot of time talking about what is happening now and what you want to happen in the future. Make a detailed plan about what you want to be happening next week and next year and then work backwards to devise multiple action plans to bring it about. Think about “how” last. First get clear about what, where, when and with whom. Then start to figure out the how. You may find it helpful to partner with a friend, spouse or life coach on this. Dave Ellis’s book Falling Awake (www.FallingAwake.com) is a terrific resource for making this way of thinking a natural part of your life. Talk about the past no more than 30% of the time and split the rest of your conversation space between talking about the present and the future that you want. We’ve talked about balancing the tenses of your conversations, but balancing the topics is also important. Here are some possible subjects to talk about: Things (jobs, money, houses, books, ideas); Other people (friends, family, politicians, celebrities); Self (your opinions, hopes, values, intentions); Us (the kind of relationship you have with the person you are conversing with). Most conversations are dominated by Things and Other People. The quality of your relationships will soar when you spend more time talking about Self and Us. It’s difficult to build intimacy and deep bonds when the bulk of your conversation is about things and other people. If you are worried about talking about yourself all the time, ask people meaningful questions about themselves. Again, this is not to say you should never talk about those topics or that all conversations have to be heavy and “important.” Managing your conversations effectively is about balance and about putting greater time and emphasis on the conversations that are helping you create the life that you really want to be leading. I once asked Dave Ellis about how to handle a family member who always talked about things that bored and irritated me. His recommendation was for me to initiate more meaningful conversations with her. If I wanted to have more satisfying conversations with her then it was up to me to create them. I did this by increasing our intimacy through talking about Self and Us more often. I realized that she was seeking to connect with me in the only way she knew how and that I could have a better relationship with her if I took it upon myself to improve the quality of our conversation. This is another place to use your feelings as a barometer. Do you feel connected and satisfied in your relationships or do you feel isolated and unfulfilled? Where can you take the lead to create the life that you desire? Category : General | By : great12 | Comments [99] | Trackbacks [0]   Prev 1 2 3 4 ...9 10 11 Next