06 Sep , 23:30 | Admin   22 Apr 2007   06:46:07 pm Cleaning Up Well, it’s been another weekend of cleaning up and organizing. Somehow the house looks much worse than when we started. Now that Harrison has the big guest bed in his room, I’ve been turning the former guest room into an office. For almost 9 years that room served to house guests about once every year or two. In between visitors is was used to store stuff that I couldn’t figure out what to do with. I know of many homeowners whose guests rooms serve the same dual purpose. It usually means that the impending arrival of a guest causes some panic and a flurry of activity as the homeless items that were stored in the guest room have to find yet another temporary spot. Now that I’ve got that problem solved, I just have to worry about the problem of where to put any guests who might visit. We’ve decided to burn that bridge when we got to it, as the mixed metaphor goes. The office is starting to take shape, although I realized today that I would need a bookshelf and a filing cabinet. My workspace was previously in one corner of our den (what many people call a family room. It’s taken us several years in North Carolina to learn to call it a den like the locals.) I had been using the bookshelves in the den and a metal file drawer that matches a desk that we have in another room. After the desk was moved our den looked very bare in one corner and so we decided to rearrange the furniture. Before we headed out to buy a bookshelf, we quickly shifted some chairs around and filled up the holes, but the room still needs some fine tuning. When we got home with the bookshelf and filing cabinet, they had to be assembled. The boxes and packing material were all over the office. We also had to find a spot for the old dresser and chaise lounge that were part of the guest room decor until the furniture consignment store can come to pick them up. The dresser ended up in Harrison’s bathroom - not an ideal spot, but he has a tiny tub in there and prefers to bathe in our room. We really need to remodel that bathroom, but that’s another story. I thought long and hard about whether to get rid of the furniture, but there just wasn’t any good place to keep it. The dresser is made of bird’s eye maple and has lovely curving lines and a secret drawer lined with green felt for storing jewelry. It belonged to my mother’s grandmother, and although it isn’t in very good shape anymore, it has a mixture of beauty and sentimental value that was hard to beat. The secret drawer tends to stick and so it isn’t very useful anymore and the style doesn’t really go with anything else in our house. I hope that someone who knows how to refinish furniture will buy it and put it back into good use. The chaise was part of the first living room furniture that Darryl and I bought together and we’ve been married 15 years. It’s still comfortable and only a little worn looking. I like stretching out on it to work on my laptop computer or to do coaching calls. I guess I never was much for extended periods sitting at a desk, but it’s really too big and eats up too much of the room. I’d like to find a big, comfy chair to replace it, but I think I’ve got to get rid of some more things before we bring anything else in. All this physical reorganizing chaos isn’t so different from sorting through old habits and ways of being. Bringing in new ideas and new ways of doing things is exciting, but you still have to clear a space and figure out a way to get rid of the old, as much as possible. Right now I’ve got an entire corner of another room upstairs just filled with piles of stuff that still need sorting. The office looks pretty good, but right next door is another room that still has a lot of the mess from that room. It isn’t really gone, just moved over a bit. I don’t know that we can ever really banish our foibles. In many cases the most we can hope for is to learn to deal with them better and to get off the “psycho path” a little sooner than last time. The “psycho path” is a phrase coined by my teacher, Dave Ellis, to describe any behavior or thoughts that are counter-productive or otherwise non-evolving. He says it’s fine to go down the psycho path. Just don’t go too far or for too long before you find a way to get back on the “scenic path.” I’m enjoying seeing my house and my life get a little more scenic. It’s kind of messy and kind of tiring, but the results are worth it. Just don’t ask to come stay at my house anytime soon. I wouldn’t know where to put you. Category : General | By : great12 | Comments [112] | Trackbacks [0] 15 Apr 2007   09:31:12 am Drumming Your Fears Away The other night I went to a women’s drumming circle. I had never participated in anything like that before, but Harrison has really enjoyed the drumming that they do at school, so I thought I would give it a try. Harrison got an African style drum called a djembe for Christmas and I took that along with me. I was one of the first to arrive and settled my pillow on the floor, wondering if I would be able to sit for an hour and a half like that. The women who run the circle play Native American style drums and they also had an array of other percussion instruments to choose from. Later in the evening I tried out a type of maraca made from a turtle shell that was filled with something that made it rattle. It was very beautiful and exotic looking. Minda, one of the leaders, is a professional musician and since most of us were inexperienced, we agreed that we’d like some music tips along the way. She picked out a basic rhythm and then showed us some variations that we could do. She also assured us that there was no wrong way to play and that we would know as a group when we were finished. Minda drummed out a beat and we slowly joined in. I thought my drum sounded a little flat, but since I didn’t really know what to expect, I just kept playing. People started closing their eyes as we all became immersed and entranced by the music we were making. I was experiencing the joy of jamming even though I never learned how to read the bass clef when I took piano lessons as a child. Sure enough, about 10 minutes later, the music just came to a stop. Somehow we knew as a group that we were done. All I could think was, “That was really cool!” The overlapping rhythms were mesmerizing and the sense of community was really palpable. Later on, another musician friend of mine told me that she had been in a drumming group in college and that no other instrument has that kind of primal power, especially when played in a group. Although there is no wrong way to play, it turns out that there is a correct way to hold a djembe, and I had not been doing that - hence the flat, lifeless tones I had been getting out of my drum. Fellow drummers gave me some tips and the next round was even better. I was really able to notice the difference in the sounds that each type of drum made. Native American drums produce a round, full tone, while the djembe sounded more woody. Then Minda asked if anyone wanted to start the drumming, but no-one volunteered. She asked a few people in the circle, but they all declined. When she came to me, I said, “Sure.” I figured I’d already made the biggest mistake I could make and that things could only improve. I also felt that I was in the company of friends, even though they were friends I’d just met. That sense of connection and belonging really put me at ease. I didn’t feel any shyness or misgiving and just plunged right into a beat that was soon picked up by the others. It was wonderful to feel that fearless. It made me keenly aware of how much fear holds us back in so many arenas. It is said that human beings spend most of their time trying to look good and to not look bad. We want others to think that we are smart, competent, witty and polished. We never want to look weak or unsure or vulnerable. And yet, when we see someone lowering their defense shield and operating from a place of authenticity, it is very appealing. The very vulnerability and openness that we try to hide is something that we value in others when we see it. No one likes a phony and yet most of us present some sort of a facade to the world. It was so wonderful to be in that safe environment and to not worry about looking good. I wish the drumming circle were more than once a month. I want to feel every day like I feel when I am drumming. Category : General | By : great12 | Comments [75] | Trackbacks [0] 30 Mar 2007   08:32:46 pm Great Expectations A couple of days ago I bought a “floor washing robot.” What, you may ask, is that? I’d like to say that it’s a close relative of Rosie, the robotic maid that the Jetson’s had, but we’re not quite there yet. My robot is called Scooba and it’s the floor washing cousin of Roomba, the robotic vacuum cleaner. I’ve owned a Roomba for years and use it to sweep my kitchen almost every day. With two cats, a dog who sheds like crazy and a rather messy eight-year-old, I could easily spend all my free time sweeping up tumbleweeds of pet hair and trails of crumbs, but Roomba has saved me from that fate. My house has kind of a cleaning version of Murphy’s law going on. As soon as something gets cleaned, someone will immediately come along and spill something red and sticky or the equivalent. I call it the Sisyphus Syndrome, but instead of always pushing a heavy rock up a hill only to have it roll back down, I’m always cleaning something only to have it immediately get hairy and gummy. The rest of my downstairs floors may rarely get cleaned, but at least the kitchen floor isn’t too bad, taking into account the Sisyphus Syndrome. Although you have to empty the dirt receptacle and recharge the battery of Roomba each time you use it (the main reason that nothing other than the kitchen floor ever gets cleaned) it does actually clean more thoroughly than sweeping. My Roomba has worked pretty effortlessly through the years, although I did have to replace the rechargeable battery at one point. I guess I wore it out by repeatedly cleaning the same room over and over. I don’t like mopping any better than I like sweeping and we’ve had a recent spate of muddy dog tracks and spilled paint from art projects at our house lately. I decided the Swiffer Wet just wasn’t cutting it anymore and that I’d go ahead and give Scooba a try. I knew that it might be a little temperamental - it is after all, a robot, but it couldn’t be much different from Roomba. I had that expectation, based really on nothing more than the fact that the principles are similar and it’s made by the same company. There is a saying that “upset” is the result of incomplete communication or unfulfilled expectations. I’ve come to realize that I (along with most of the rest of the human race) walk around with a lot of expectations. We expect people to act a certain way and events to unfold just as we imagined them and when that doesn’t occur, we get a little miffed about it. I don’t really know a lot about prehistoric life, but I can imagine that having expectations probably serves a very valuable purpose and has ever since the dawn of humanity. If you expect to find your favorite berries down one path and a saber tooth tiger down another path, you have information that helps you make decisions that contribute to your survival. Still, in modern times walking around with a suitcase full of expectations usually leads to a lot of disappointment. For the most part, the world isn’t going to go your way, at least not the majority of the time. Knowing how to adapt and move on is an important skill. Even better, if you can go through life just taking things as they come and not weighing what is against what you thought it ought to be, you’ve got a real recipe for tranquility. Ha Ha! Easier said than done, but definitely something to aspire to when the large blue saucer-shaped thing you’ve meticulously filled with special cleaning solution refuses to run. After charging the battery over night, just as recommended in the instruction book, and filling the cleaning solution to the prescribed line, I was ready to go. I pushed the Power button and then the Clean button and away it went. Scooba had an uneventful maiden voyage, and my kitchen floor was looking good. I recharged the battery and later that day geared up for round two. I was so happy with my really clean kitchen floor that I thought I might mop another room as well. I even swept it first, with a plain, old-fashioned broom, only because it was quicker than waiting for Roomba to go through a 30 minute cycle. I re-inserted the battery, filled the cleaning solution receptacle and pushed the buttons. Scooba geared up to go and then stopped in it’s tracks. A little blue light was flashing. I dug out the owner’s manual to see what was the matter. I’d only read the Quick Start brochure up to that point. (Whoever invented the Quick Start brochure should be given a medal in my opinion. I don’t know anyone who really wants to read an entire owner’s manual before trying out their new toy!) The light was blue and it said “clean tank.” The owner’s manual said that it needed water and cleaning solution. I was certain I hadn’t filled the dirty water receptacle by mistake, but I took a look just to be sure. Both tanks looked fine and I couldn’t think of anything else to do other than to call the technical assistance line. The very helpful woman on the phone had me remove the water tank from the battery housing. Then she asked me if I had a turkey baster. “Oh, this is going to be good!” I thought. I won’t bore you with the details of suctioning and tweaking the fussy robot, but I did eventually get it going. I hung up the phone with a feeling of satisfaction and set Scooba to work. About 2 minutes later, it made a sad beep and came to a stop. I did all the things that I’d learned from the technical assistance line and tried again. No luck! I was starting to grumble under my breath and wonder where I’d put the receipt. I fiddled some more and then tried again. It sounded like things were going to work, but then the “Clean tank” light came on again. This time it was yellow. This means that the dirty water tank is full and needs to be emptied. I knew this wasn’t the case because it hadn’t run long enough to fill with anything except the sound of my grumbling. I was getting ready to call technical assistance again when I had an epiphany. Maybe there was something preventing Scooba from its appointed rounds that didn’t have a indicator light. Maybe all the pet hair that it had picked up the first go-round was gumming up the works. I had cleaned all the traps, but I could see little hair-balls sticking out from a variety of nooks and crannies. Sure enough, after a good de-fuzzing, the robot did its thing and the floor of my den got washed. Obviously, having the notion that the goods you purchase will work as advertised is a useful and entirely justified expectation. But now that I know Scooba’s special hair removal requirements, I can adjust my expectation about what it takes to not have to mop my own floors and decide whether or not that is a trade-off I am willing to live with. I never read “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” but I’m starting to wonder if I should. Category : General | By : great12 | Comments [83] | Trackbacks [0] 25 Mar 2007   05:53:39 pm Accepting Help and Advice I think of myself as a person who works and plays well with others. I know the basics (and some of the finer points) of operating in a group. I try to use tact when dealing with others and am generally slow to take offense, but I also like to do things myself - my way. It’s not unusual for my husband to come home and find I’ve rearranged the furniture, no matter how big and heavy, because I couldn’t wait for him to be available to help me. And I have on occasion been accused of being pig-headed and intractable. It’s not that I think your way is wrong, it’s just probably wrong for me. If you make a good case, I’ll be happy to change my mind, but otherwise I know best - at least when it comes to me. Sometimes this looks like self-confidence and sometimes it just looks annoying, especially to the people who have to live with me. Darryl has often hypothesized that if he ran in and told me the house was on fire, I wouldn’t just blindly take his word for it and get out of there, but would instead ask a series of questions designed to determine if it was really necessary to vacate and to learn all the aspects of the fire’s possible destructive properties. He may not be far off. I believe this is a reaction to the frequent times growing up when I went off on some errand and didn’t have complete information and ended up looking or at least feeling like a fool. It’s hard to let go of those lessons learned in childhood, especially when they involve feeling mortified, but it doesn't make me any more fun to be around. So when I got an e-mail the other day from an old college friend asking me if I wanted her husband, who designs websites professionally, to critique mine, I got a little incensed. It only lasted 30 seconds, but during that brief interval I was feeling pretty defensive. I’m really proud of my website. What makes you think it needs critiquing? Mercifully, good sense prevailed over absurd speculation over what such an offer might “mean.” I realized that my friend’s e-mail wasn’t a condemnation, but rather a very generous offer of FREE professional advice on a subject about which I have no expertise. It was a no-brainer! It turned out that I totally agreed with the suggestions that he made and was really grateful that he would take the time to make them. And even if it had been a polite way of saying, “Hey, I think this would be MUCH better if only you would take some advice,” the smart thing to do is to stow the ego in favor of information that could get me further along to my desired goal. It made me think of a story I’d heard about a successful upper-level manager who always forwarded memos to his subordinates and superiors alike with the instruction to “please improve" on his work. Even though taking advice and accepting help from other people is not my natural strong-suit, it is a trait that I want to cultivate and be able to do graciously. And on that note - please look for this blog to soon have its own page so that it will be easier to find and read. Category : General | By : great12 | Comments [101] | Trackbacks [0] 19 Mar 2007   01:39:25 pm Spring Fever Something about Spring makes me want to weed the garden, clean out the closets, take up an exercise program, walk the dog on a regular basis, see my friends more often, and organize my desk. And that’s just the things I’d like to do today. Beginning a new year doesn’t get me excited about new challenges, but the sight of blue skies and daffodils will do it every time. Needless to say, there are not enough hours in the day to do it all. So, where to start? I recently went through a few weeks of doctor enforced laying low. I felt fine, but was told not to lift anything, do any housework or go anywhere. It was an interesting experience. I discovered that much of the running around that I do is just that - running around. A lot of it wasn’t really necessary and I wondered how to keep those big open blocks of time once I was able to go out. Allotting one or two afternoons for going places and doing errands left me with bigger chunks of time to work on other things. I also found that I didn’t have to do a whole project at one sitting. I can’t count the number of garage cleanings and the like that have gone undone in my life because I couldn’t figure out how to tackle it all at once. I discovered that a little here and a little there got the job done just as well. A friend and I were talking recently about “to do” lists and how some things never seem to come off the list. Maybe those things just aren’t that big a priority and maybe that’s OK? What if I put down what I absolutely must do (pay the utility bill before they disconnect the lights; fix my son’s lunch because I love him too much to have him go hungry) and then what I really want to do (plant some flowers because that's the to-do list item I'd really enjoy today, or e-mail a friend I haven't heard from in a while)? This might mean that something else that I ought to do doesn’t get accomplished, but I’m trying to learn to live with that. If life is a journey and not a destination, I don’t want to spend too much of the trip doing what I should do and ignoring what makes each day part of a satisfying life. This doesn't mean sinking into total hedonistic chaos, just not being such a slave to the "shoulds." Category : General | By : great12 | Comments [72] | Trackbacks [0]   Prev 1 2 3 ...9 10 11 Next